Valentine's Day 2014
Feb. 14th, 2014 01:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
robertsloan2Usually, if I post online around this time of year, it's some version of my bitter acidic loathing for the Commercial Holiday Meant to Sell Cards and Humiliate Singles. Right in the cold yucky horrible part of year when life's at its ugliest, comes the day that Everyone Must Be Paired and You Are So Unlovable No One Wanted You.
Childhood starts that shaming with the packs of kid-friend cards. The insult cards are for the kid no one picks for the team. Needless to say, that was all I got, 3 or 4 of those from the kids whose parents made them get them for everyone. Insult cards and joke cards are also for boys who don't want to get mushy or seem girly. but they're nuanced and some are compliments as much as insults. It's situational and adults create the basis for children's culture.
I was at odds from day one in school with all the teachers and parents. I was ahead of the class and gender nonconforming, knew I was really a boy and didn't understand why my parents tried to make me a girl. First two years, all my friends were boys, developmentally normal. Girls' school I had no friends at all, any friendship got broken up on Too Close A Friendship, code for Latent Lesbianism in their eyes. I got angry about it but knew who was responsible.
Yet when I had a long 13 year gay relationship with another transman, we really enjoyed Valentines Day. Especially one day later on Cheap Chocolates Day, but sometimes we'd go out and stuff. We never did cards, neither of us were into cards. But we'd eat and maybe go out to a movie or the Art Institute, mush and go home and have hot partner sex with all the trimmings of long practice and knowing each others' tastes.
We were also Out and Proud on the day of the holiday itself, mushing and breaking the heteronormative assumptions. Or being happily coupled within the gay neighborhood, it depended on where we lived how that looked. Either way that aspect was fun. Valentines Day around Clark and Diversey in Chicago had its own feel that was pretty jolly.
Kitten pointed out to me that it's cool having a holiday dedicated to spending time with your partner getting romantic - for them it's a chance to step back from their very intense lives and remember why they got together. Chase kids and critters out of the way and have some couple time. I can see that. Thinking of it and every happy couple I've known, what grows up within real relationships are personal traditions that may or may not include any of the traditional trimmings. But if anyone in it likes the traditional candy, it's there only that time of year.
Made me think that's also a potential excuse for the shy to actually speak up to someone. Everything has its up side.
This year's Valentine's Day is different. It's about self acceptance and part of that is loving my cat, my dear hefty big fluffy 15 pound Support Cat. Ari is a wonderful cat. He doesn't even know it's a holiday but he'll appreciate the lap time, the snuggles and the kitty treats. I'll give him some love and ruminate on what I like in my life as it is.
Then this weekend take advantage of Cheap Chocolates, or even get out on the scooter to see for myself what's on sale and indulge. I never know what kind of expensive chocolates will turn up 1/3 to 3/4 price on Cheap Chocolates Day. There's those white and chocolate marbled seashell ones, the deep dark chocolate ones, the cream center ones in boxes that don't seem to show up any other time of year. Or cost too much if they do. Well worth it.
Childhood starts that shaming with the packs of kid-friend cards. The insult cards are for the kid no one picks for the team. Needless to say, that was all I got, 3 or 4 of those from the kids whose parents made them get them for everyone. Insult cards and joke cards are also for boys who don't want to get mushy or seem girly. but they're nuanced and some are compliments as much as insults. It's situational and adults create the basis for children's culture.
I was at odds from day one in school with all the teachers and parents. I was ahead of the class and gender nonconforming, knew I was really a boy and didn't understand why my parents tried to make me a girl. First two years, all my friends were boys, developmentally normal. Girls' school I had no friends at all, any friendship got broken up on Too Close A Friendship, code for Latent Lesbianism in their eyes. I got angry about it but knew who was responsible.
Yet when I had a long 13 year gay relationship with another transman, we really enjoyed Valentines Day. Especially one day later on Cheap Chocolates Day, but sometimes we'd go out and stuff. We never did cards, neither of us were into cards. But we'd eat and maybe go out to a movie or the Art Institute, mush and go home and have hot partner sex with all the trimmings of long practice and knowing each others' tastes.
We were also Out and Proud on the day of the holiday itself, mushing and breaking the heteronormative assumptions. Or being happily coupled within the gay neighborhood, it depended on where we lived how that looked. Either way that aspect was fun. Valentines Day around Clark and Diversey in Chicago had its own feel that was pretty jolly.
Kitten pointed out to me that it's cool having a holiday dedicated to spending time with your partner getting romantic - for them it's a chance to step back from their very intense lives and remember why they got together. Chase kids and critters out of the way and have some couple time. I can see that. Thinking of it and every happy couple I've known, what grows up within real relationships are personal traditions that may or may not include any of the traditional trimmings. But if anyone in it likes the traditional candy, it's there only that time of year.
Made me think that's also a potential excuse for the shy to actually speak up to someone. Everything has its up side.
This year's Valentine's Day is different. It's about self acceptance and part of that is loving my cat, my dear hefty big fluffy 15 pound Support Cat. Ari is a wonderful cat. He doesn't even know it's a holiday but he'll appreciate the lap time, the snuggles and the kitty treats. I'll give him some love and ruminate on what I like in my life as it is.
Then this weekend take advantage of Cheap Chocolates, or even get out on the scooter to see for myself what's on sale and indulge. I never know what kind of expensive chocolates will turn up 1/3 to 3/4 price on Cheap Chocolates Day. There's those white and chocolate marbled seashell ones, the deep dark chocolate ones, the cream center ones in boxes that don't seem to show up any other time of year. Or cost too much if they do. Well worth it.
